man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?
me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity
I’ve been laughing at this on and off for two straight days
Oh no, not my beloved private insurance that doesn’t cover anything
There is no precedent for private insurance either we all just kind of started doing it 10 years before I was born and now we’re pretending it’s inviolate
i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said “we’re not catholic here”. now every time i’m doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.